he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize