So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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