6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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