You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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