just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
