so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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