Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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