Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
