This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize