wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
