so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
