I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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