omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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