I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize