i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
