Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
