She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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