She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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