I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
