I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
