you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
found the other keg... it's in the tree
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
