I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
