it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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