so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
