I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
