As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
