worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
