my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
what is it with giant penises always finding me
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
