Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize