im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
