apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
