I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
