we're chasing vodka with high fives
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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