someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
