maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
