have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
