That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
my poor anus
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
