Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
