once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Be still, my beating vagina.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
