Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
