I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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