Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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