Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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