ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Randomize
