I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
