I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
