Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
