im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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