She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
