JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
PANTIES FOUND
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