Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
