I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
