I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think I sprained my soul last night
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You need Xanax blowdarts
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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