I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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