i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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