winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
