Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Less talking, more tequila
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
