If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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