I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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