people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
