I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
