when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
