Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
