I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
