so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Watching her eat just hurts me
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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