Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
