I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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